Another pishy day in Scotland. Nothing's changed. It's freezing, windy and rainy and it feels like winter. I mean, we had snow the other day! Snow?!?! You can tell the climate is changing and it's not good. Oh well, only eight months till Florida now.
I've been feeling like a right bitch all week. Wait, I've been feeling like a bitch all week because I am a bitch. Seriously, I'm always talking behind my friend's backs. Not all of them, just the ones who are fake and ungenuine. In particular with one friend, I saw them the other day as I was approaching the group and I had this sense of extreme hatred being washed over me. It was an awful feeling but sometimes I wonder if it's really out of the norm. I mean this particular person hurt a lot of people. People I Care About. I will always hold a grudge towards this person. It can't be helped but in some ways I don't want any help. At least I'm not the only one who thinks this. But as of now, I'm gonna stop bitching about my friends. It makes me feel awkward and horrible. I honestly love my friends and don't get the impression that I bitch about everyone. It's only a few who really annoy me enough to rant about them.
Something else has been niggling away at me. I wish my best friend would acknowledge me as her best friend. She tells me enough times that I am her best friend and she will always be mine. She's honestly the best person ever and life without her is unimaginable. I understand she doesn't want to upset people and neither do I and I know as long as she always acts as my best friend and I always act as hers, then nothing else matters but a little bit of recogntion wouldn't go a miss or at least an explanation. It feels like this big, dark secret that I'm carrying. As if it's a taboo subject that will curse me if I mention it. I won't mention it, I'll just continue to exist in shadows...For now...
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