Woah! Time Out! What Did You Just Say?

Just Now - Marilyn Manson - The Dope Show

Ok so now, I'm seething. This blog is going to be hard to write because it concerns someone who is very close to the only person who reads my blog but I'm I can't hold in my utter disbelief. So I'm sorry Hanna.

The last week has been an utter nightmare with her. On Tuesday I told her we were going to the centre on Thursday after school. She went "I never knew anything about this" which to I replied "I'm telling you now". The next thing to come from her lips, basically well, astounded me.

"I never get invited anywhere."

Well, I couldn't hide my utter resentment. I went "What?" and then an uncomfortable silence. Wherever we go, without fail she is always invited - Calderglen, bowling, going into town, etc. She's always invited. So that alone was enough to go over the edge.

So next day I knew she hadn't been feeling well at lunch the day before so in my usual way - nice, bright and always with a caring tone, I asked "Are you feeling better?"

I can't remember her exact words - probably the shock of her response but I do know she jumped down my throat. What's hard about saying Yes, thanks for the concern. I care about her and I was trying to see if she was ok. Look at the thanks I get.

Tonight was the last straw. Leigh had asked me down to the centre tomorrow and I went yes. Then Charlotte came on msn and invited her to go down the centre with her. I waited fifteen minutes for her to invite me. Me, the person who I'd known the longest. The person who introduced her to the group. The person who without, wouldn't be able to call these people her friends. I even prompted her by saying "What you up to at the weekend?" Her response " Nothing much, going down the centre and buying a birthday cake". I'm not saying she's lying - she just missed a few details like "I've invited Leigh, Do you want to come?

Well, rage swelled through my body. I rang Sara. She was with James. They really are amazing people. Sara always listens to you and agrees and soothes your rage whilst James has the ability to make me say everything I'm feeling. What would I do without them?

I'm not going to say anything to her. If she wants it this way, fine. Even if I did say something, If I know this person, She will deny saying anything of the sort. It's not the first time but I thought she might have matured a little to tell me to my face she doesn't want to be around me.

Secondlastly, I'm sorry Hanna. I hope when you read this, it won't make things awkward between her or myself. I would hate to lose you. Ever since you came to Scotland I've really enjoyed learning about you, your culture, attempting to (and failing miserably) speak in Swedish. Your like a breath of fresh air and I truly believe I've made a best friend in you. I'll be unconsolable when you return to Sweden.

And finally, I'd like to announce the arrival of my new baby cousin, Annabel Adaline MacDonald, born on the 8th November and guess what? She's a real cutie!

Defining The Word Gorgeous.

The Dope Show

Well, I haven't got chickenpox as first thought. Instead I have a lovely case of tonsilitus!

Oh well. It's something I can handle at least.

With A Vast Amount Of Medication!

Inverness was good. We had a massive snowstorm and I thought (or hoped) we would be snowed in. It's heaven on earth literally. I can see it in my dad eyes how much he wants to move up there and if I'm honest to myself, it wouldn't be a hard decision for me.

Who Could Say No To A View Like That?


Basically this whole week has been spent sleeping, reading LOTR and computerizing. Oh and I've been mucking about with online photo editors!

My Favourite

Not bad in my opinion.

Ellyn gave me "Twilight" to read! I can't wait to read it but I must finish LOTR first. It's quite good and I'm quite proud of myself for actually getting into it but it's so long and Tolkien has this insane habit of explaining in minute detail every blade of grass that grows in middle earth. I'm enjoying it though and I think I'll finish it soon.

Looks Away Vacantly

Comfortably Numb...Itchy More Like!

I'm SO itchy! Here's how it started...

Tuesday morning and I've got a bit of a headache and sore throat so I stayed off school. It's now Thursday and I've noticed little scabs on my arms and legs.

Fantastic! I have chickenpox (or suspected) which means a trip to the doctor. I hate the doctor with a passion. They make you feel like you are wasting their time by saying that your ill. Not looking forward to it.

It's weird. I've never had chickenpox yet It's one of the diseases that every child has - except my siblings and myself. So in some ways I'm quite glad I if I do have it. I'll not be such an outcast anyway!

Missing school though. I'll have so much catching up to do and I'm missing my friends. Loads. Although Ellyn gave me a lovely phone call that lasted one hour and forty minutes which was fun. Just talking mindless crap took away the itchiness for a while. Aww I Love Ellyn. She had an epiphany. Next year for halloween, I'm going as Dr. Evil and Ellyn's going as Mini Me out of Austin Powers. How hilarious will that be!

I miss my friends! So much. Like Ellyn I had my own epiphany (that's such a great word, don't you think?). I've decided that I'm just gonna be the person who everyone relies on. I'm not going to have a best friend in the group. I'm just gonna be everyone's best friend. I'm going to be there for them no matter what and I'm not gonna take sides no more. Everyone is going to be equal in my affections and if I'm honest, thats the proper and mature way to act.

Friends
The People Who Influence You
And Help Decide The Things You Do
The People Who Help You Become Who You Are
And When They Are Needed, Are Not Very Far
Never Will They Leave You Behind
They Will Always Be By Your Side
Friends...Friends Till The End

A poem created on a sudden impulse in my soul...

Why I Love Jared Leto...

• He's Hot


• He's Talented


• He's An Actor


• He's A Musician


• He Sings Amazingly


• He Plays Guitar


• He's Hot


• He's Made Good Films


• He Is Amazing At Song Writing


• He Created 30 Seconds To Mars


• He Created The Echelon


• He's Hot


• He's Got Beautiful Blue Eyes


• He's Hot

Did I Mention He's Hot?

In Joy And Sorrow

85% of this week has been shit mainly because I decided to confront what has been eating away at me. I asked my friend for the truth. And to say it backfired would be an understatement...


It made things worse and I've been feeling like shit for most of the week. I thought an answer would make things better but it hasn't. Our friendship feels more distant and It's horrible.


If only I had a time machine...


If she ever reads this, I want her to know that for the one-thousandth time, I am sorry. She will always be my best friend, even if I'm not hers and I hope one day things will go back to the way it was. I love her so much and she's the best person I've ever met and I truly mean it. Most of my friends were fake before I met Sara and became part of the group. A group who are truly geniuine and lovely. Before this saga, I was the happiest I've ever been. Now I feel more shit than ever.



15% of the week was amazing! I love Halloween. It's the perfect excuse to be a kid again so we went bowling which was fun! I love bowling and I won both games. Plus. the whole specs crew was there which was fantastic. I Love the specs crew!

Good Times! I hope there are many more.

Wake Up Call

Ok so I'm going to begin today's blog with a rant.







I was enjoying my well-deserved lie-in this morning when I was rudely awakened by my sister blow - drying her hair. I don't mind if it's after twelve but seriously, she's the most annoying thing that exists on this world. Sometimes I wonder if she was put on this earth by the devil to tempt me to Hell. Just Kidding. She's not that bad but bad enough. I love her though.

















Anyway while Katie went out with some of the family to see High School Musical 3 (Eurgh!), I babysitted my brother and he simply amazed me with his knowledge of "Lord Of The Rings". I'm reading the book and I'm proud to say that I'm engrossed with it. I tried "The Hobbit" years ago and couldn't get into it so I was surprised at how much easier "Lord Of The Rings" is to read. I would definately recommend watching the movies first though. You know whereabouts you are when your reading the book.





Didn't get up to much today. I took photos of my new look...











and basically read some of my book and have been on the PC since 16:20. Not the year I may hasten to add but If it were possible, I wouldn't put it past me...


After X Factor, we're gonna have a Wii sports contest! So wish me luck especially in the boxing. Can never get that bloody nunchuck to work...

Hell For The Weather, Heaven For The Company

Another pishy day in Scotland. Nothing's changed. It's freezing, windy and rainy and it feels like winter. I mean, we had snow the other day! Snow?!?! You can tell the climate is changing and it's not good. Oh well, only eight months till Florida now.

I've been feeling like a right bitch all week. Wait, I've been feeling like a bitch all week because I am a bitch. Seriously, I'm always talking behind my friend's backs. Not all of them, just the ones who are fake and ungenuine. In particular with one friend, I saw them the other day as I was approaching the group and I had this sense of extreme hatred being washed over me. It was an awful feeling but sometimes I wonder if it's really out of the norm. I mean this particular person hurt a lot of people. People I Care About. I will always hold a grudge towards this person. It can't be helped but in some ways I don't want any help. At least I'm not the only one who thinks this. But as of now, I'm gonna stop bitching about my friends. It makes me feel awkward and horrible. I honestly love my friends and don't get the impression that I bitch about everyone. It's only a few who really annoy me enough to rant about them.

Something else has been niggling away at me. I wish my best friend would acknowledge me as her best friend. She tells me enough times that I am her best friend and she will always be mine. She's honestly the best person ever and life without her is unimaginable. I understand she doesn't want to upset people and neither do I and I know as long as she always acts as my best friend and I always act as hers, then nothing else matters but a little bit of recogntion wouldn't go a miss or at least an explanation. It feels like this big, dark secret that I'm carrying. As if it's a taboo subject that will curse me if I mention it. I won't mention it, I'll just continue to exist in shadows...For now...